how I created my own personal style, part 1

first of all, what is style? let's get into it.

Personal style used to vex me. Which is probably why I became obsessed with it.

I grew up in a small farm town, the eldest and only daughter with three little brothers. Fashion was only sort of an interest of mine, more in an arts and crafts way. I used to love making paper dolls with outrageous outfits cut from patterned construction paper and plastered with sequins, rocks, bits of embroidery. It felt like the avenues for self-expression outside of my home were very limited. As a kid of the early aughts, I grew up in a time and place where it was socially acceptable to ruthlessly tease people for non-conformity. My extreme shyness and my (admittingly) weird personality never really sat right with my peers. I retreated into the arts as a sort of safe haven. I’ve always been a collector of images and ideas.

I’ve never really liked defining myself. If you don’t define things, however, sometimes people interject. They try to define you for you, to make sense of what they’re looking at. It’s not malicious, it just is what it is.

It’s helpful to at least try to gain an understanding of who you are, for your own sake. Otherwise, you’ll end up confused - like experiencing ego death before ever really developing an ego.

None of us are just our interests. But, your interests can be telling, and mine span across many different areas and genres. If I shuffle my saved music for you, you’re just as likely to hear John Cale as you are Dolly Parton. If you look on my bookshelf, you’ll see a book on the Burgess Shale next to a collection of Anais Nin erotica next to Mark Twain. My taste in clothing is similar. I’ve never really identified with a “-core” or a specific label like “goth” or “preppy.” I’ve always wanted to be both — some combination of disparate things. This is an incredibly tricky thing to do, which is why I wore sweatshirts and jeans for most of my adolescence, and felt out-of-place the entire time, because I wasn’t properly expressing myself.

This idea, the marriage of disparate things, creates everything that feels fresh, unique and new. It’s not enough just to mash together, because that is just quirkiness for the sake of quirkiness. It’s imperative, in my mind, to form something cohesive out of the jumble. It’s what all good musicians and painters are able to do - combine their influences into one synthetic thing That is Good.

So, personal style, to me, is the process of distilling themes from the things that inspire you. And then, making it actionable. IE: knowing what clothes to buy, knowing how to wear them.

Hence, why I made a massive 40 slide powerpoint during the pandemic delving into my vision for my own personal style. Which, subsequently, people made fun of me for, on reddit. But before I share the details of that with you, I wanted to share what I discovered about personal style, from creating the mood boards, to doing closet clean-outs, to buying clothes, to testing outfits, to now, experimenting, and remaining flexible.

Let’s start here. What is personal style?

My general ethos:

• Personal style is defined but flexible. What this means is that you should have a clear sense of what is “you” and what is “so not you.”  Personally, I don’t want to reduce myself to fit a narrow concept (like “feminine” “old money” or “gorpcore” “coquette” etc) or a set of adjectives, even. I’m a complicated person who likes to experiment and my clothes reflect this.

• Everything comes back to “does this feel good?” When I think about what style should be, it includes a sense of comfort, both mentally and physically. Naturally, this means different things for different people. For instance, I feel comfortable in modest clothes - this might feel stifling and stuffy for someone else. Other people feel comfortable in corsets - it “holds them in,” gives them structure, and makes them feel confident. What is costume-y to one person might feel expressive and liberating to another. It’s incredibly individual. You are the only person with the authority to know what feels good on you and what does not.

• Style happens when taste meets function. You shouldn’t dress in a way that doesn’t make sense for your life.

• Fashion matters. Your clothes communicate things about you, whether you like it or not. You’re just as free to care, or not care, about this, as any other thing in life.

• Personal style exists outside of trends. It also acknowledges that there is no such thing as timelessness (unless we’re talking about like, James Dean or Francoise Hardy). Don’t worry about looking dated.

• Speaking of which: style can’t be copied. Even if you could copy-paste someone’s wardrobe, buy exactly the things they’re wearing, it won’t feel right. Because it won’t be authentic. You *can* borrow things you like from other people. If you ever come across a creature who makes you want to set fire to your closet, just ask yourself: “what about their look speaks to me?” I promise it’s just because you like a few of the dresses they own, or maybe their haircut. Asking that question - investigating, what speaks to you - makes this a meaningful, exploratory process and not a vanity project.

• It’s good to be curious. Some systems like Kibbe or the seasons might give some guidance or pointers, but as a general rule, I stay away from anything that is so prescriptive and narrowing.

• Lastly, personal style can’t be bought. You can’t get everything from one store and feel stylish. Spending more $$$ on clothes won’t give you style, either. I learned this from one of my aunts who has impeccable personal style (she’s a little Jackie Kennedy, a little vacation in Cabo) - there have been more than a few times I’ve asked her where she’s gotten a certain dress or scarf, and she’s told me: “Target!” This is also like my room mate, who swears by Old Navy linen, and always looks amazing. When you have a sense of what inspires you, you’ll be able to find it in all kinds of places.

Stay tuned for the next few parts! I’ll talk about what goes into my personal style and give further advice on how to find your own. Tata. :)