mirror selfie preamble

at the time, I was a hater

The mirror selfie in 2022! How do we feel about it?

It’s funny to be *nostalgic* about how we used to use the internet like 5 years ago. People sharing what they had for lunch, for instance, or what their face looked like that day. Do you remember hashtag #GPOY on Tumblr? I was about to say it was quaint, but you know, it feels like we’re returning to that somewhat… as people give less of a shit about pretense or curation. I’m a fan of the big monthly “photo dumps” people are posting (although I recoil at the name we’re giving it, it’s not very cute), as well as the decline of the photo filter.

Mostly when I hop on social media I wanna see what my friends are up to. Show me yr face!! That new top you bought!! What’s da puppy getting into?? I’m never apprehensive about posting breakfast to my ig stories (normally: soft-scrambled eggs peaking beneath a truly monstrous amount of grated parmesan and black pepper, with either sausage or blistered tomatoes on the side). And it tickled me when my friend Fallon told me that she and her room mate, who is named Adam and is also my friend, like and admire my “fancy breakfast posts” (to which: it’s not that fancy!! It’s just eggs and my dining room is very cute!!). To me, it’s not a showy display, but an invitation into my point of view. Come into my life! Come into my kitchen! This is what it’s like!

So. The mirror selfie. The selfie as a concept can sometimes generate strong reactions. And uh, misogyny, about female vanity.

If that’s what you’re feeling, I’ll let John Berger take you to the mo’fockin cleaners:

“The mirror was often used as a symbol of the vanity of woman. The moralizing, however, was mostly hypocritical. You painted a naked woman because you enjoyed looking at her, you put a mirror in her hand and you called the painting ‘Vanity,’ thus morally condemning the woman whose nakedness you had depicted for your own pleasure.”

Anyways!

Side—

Do you remember when Kim K dropped a hardcover book of selfies? This was something I gifted a friend of mine/ room mate who kept up with the Kardashians, one year for her birthday.

This in my mind was a GREAT gift for this particular person. Ultimately, as we all know, what makes a good gift is… something the other person could use or wants but would never buy themselves. It surprised her, for starters (coming from me. at the time, I was a hater), and then went on to fulfill its role as the ultimate coffee table book. Most people who stopped by our place were also curious about Kim K’s selfies. That thing was the most handled object in our apartment. The black section with the naughty pics? Absolutely dog-eared.

Looking back, selfies were very important to me growing up, isolated where I was. Some of my most important friendships were long distance and virtual. The selfie became a way to connect, to say: look! you’re a real person! I’m a real person, too.

When I took my own pictures, even at 11-12, there was some grim motivation behind it. I remember clearly thinking that the purpose of a photo was to leave behind evidence that I existed. I remember imagining what the world would be like when I was long dead. And I wondered if someone might find a picture of me, or my diary, or some shirt I wore, and if they would wonder what I was like.

Me at 16 in my bedroom, with a Sorolla print on the wall and Mucha on my phone case

(See it’s a sort of chicken and egg situation about whether I didn’t have friends because I was so deeply darkly existential as a pre-teen, or if I was so pre-occupied with death and existence because I didn’t have friends)

So, friends, allow me to be a little vain and show you some of the outfits I wore in October. In the next email. Especially since I went to such lengths (writing an essay) to justify them. Love you.

— C