so you want to fall in love
edition 2 of my advice column
Dear Cecilia,
How do I find love in Los Angeles?
Also: what are your favorite restaurants in LA?
-Romeo
Dear Romeo,
LA is hopeless and there are no more crushable people anywhere, anymore.
Learn to say “I am very beautiful and you can NEVER HAVE ME!” in all the romance languages.
Swipe right on everyone.
When he is sleeping, tenderly snip a lock of his hair. Bind it with the elastic of your favorite panties. On the third moon, turn out all the lights save for one, solitary candle. Fall into a deep meditation until Aphrodite appears, perhaps in a vision, to blow out the candle. Run the lock through the smoke. Then cast it into the sea. The next week, if he complains of a ringing in his ears, extra salt in his tears, and a smokey draft in his apartment, you’ll know it’s working.
Play something esoteric on touch tunes so everyone goes, “wait… who is she…”
Have one of your boys hype you up to some babes at a party, make sure you stand about fifteen feet back so when he says “my friend over there wants to talk to you” he has to clarify and point at you and say “no, not him, that one.” And then when they ask “which one of us does he want to talk to?” he should make it clear you’ll take what you can get.
Have you tried HOWLING? Great cathartic practice and charges your libidinal reserves for ferocious lovemaking. I think writing this sentence put hair on my chest.
Spend more time dwaddling, lolly gagging, puttering about. Absent-mindedly pluck a flower and then discard its petals one by one, saying: she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not…
Women only: pool trick shots.
Brush your hair 50 times, wear jewelry to bed, eat ice cream and cherries out of chrome coupes, complete a self portrait in water colors, never burden or berate yourself, always talk to yourself softly and tenderly, keep the house neat and cozy because you are your own company, remember to bring a sweater, go for a long drive when you need to unwind, journal every night answering the question “how was your day, baby?” because that’s the same thing as getting married.
Cheat on them to remind them they can lose you at any moment.
Thieves typically target catalytic converters by using saws or power tools to quickly remove them. Parking your car in a well-lit area, installing a security camera, or using a catalytic converter lock can deter thieves. While parking with the exhaust pipe against a wall might hinder access to the exhaust, it won't necessarily prevent theft. Instead, consider installing protective shielding or a lock specifically designed for the catalytic converter to make theft more challenging.
Hold hands in Lassen’s, sensually.
Try something fun and trendy like joining a running club!! :p xD!!!! yippeee!!, yayyy!!!!! being alive right now rocks!!!! it’s not totally bogus!!,.!,!!!!
Be open to chance.
And now my favorite restaurants in LA:
Etra
Taix
Found Oyster
Hail Mary
Be U
Yang Chow
Destroyer
El Compadre
Pace
Kazu Nori
Jitlada
Win-dow
Republique
Hope that helps!!
-Cecilia