some things I find amusing
I think this period of my life will be marked by a quest for sincerity
Nabokov
I forget that sometimes people will ask you questions like “what do you do for fun?” or “what’s your favorite book?” and it’s normal to have these answers on-hand, to know thyself. when I’m asked I have to search for words. I guess my favorite writer is JD Salinger purely for virtue of having read most of his work and memorized some. but I’m not sure if that’s because he’s great, or because I read these things at age 15. it’s remarkable how strongly we can be moved by something at that age. the things I loved then have impressed upon me. I haven’t listened to this music in over a decade, but I still know all the words to the entire discography of arctic monkeys, vampire weekend and the strokes. one of those early things that hit me at an impressionable age was in fact Lolita. and I do want to underline that this is something I read in the correct context and understand correctly. do not come for me.
anyways. I have become newly amused by Nabokov after coming across a list of writers he liked, and more importantly, disliked. deeply disliked. this is like the victory lap of an all-star hater. i’m so enthralled by it.
read it here: Nabokov Dunking on Other Writers
i’ve somewhat enjoyed the Yale lecture series on American Literature as well, which includes a discussion on Lolita. i’m skipping around a bit and watching the ones i’ve already read. for reasons we’ll never understand bc my therapist dumped me, I have been in a prolonged mourning period over the fact that I didn’t major in literature, art or art history (my life is over, yada yada). so vainly i’m trying to supplant what could have been a period of enrichment and discovery with... chapters at a time of great books, and virtual lectures.
I haven’t been writing as much because i’ve been reading more, I think.
Michael Carson
Michael, though, said to me that the academics don’t make great art. so he has his individual influences but not the whole educational indoctrination of what art is supposed to mean. Michael is one of my favorite artists.
Carson led a painting workshop in southern california for a week, and I was super lucky to attend. I used to copy his work to reverse-engineer his process, so to learn from him directly (watching him paint + in turn getting advice during student work hours) gave me both several heart attacks and a new lease on life.
the workshop felt like the satisfying end to a years-long journey for me. my humble origins begin alone in the countryside, staring at these striking, towering figures on a computer screen, wanting to be able to create them myself. because I have now studied under Carson, officially, and Carson studied under Milt Kobayashi, I feel like in a way I have touched greatness - like, with effort, I could myself join the lineage of weird illustrative oils-on-board guys.
let me have this delusion ok
because he views himself more of a designer and less of an academic artist, I did have the pleasure of showing Mike the John Singer Sargent painting “Muddy Alligators” for the first time, ever - which in my opinion, is one of the most masterful + ambitious paintings ever completed.
These Paintings
Imagine Sargent painting the portraits of sitting Rockefellers and Carnegies all day, and then imagine him, on some tour of the swamp, whipping up this scene in watercolors. it is just so brilliant to me - how some of the shadows are the cerulean blue straight from the tube, how the trees are literal one-and-done brush strokes. there is something so joyful about the unassuming subject matter. which, you know, couldn’t have sat still for him. there is a great optical illusion happening here with this work which is both *painterly* and *photorealistic* how the fuck did he do that????
I have also been moved, recently, by Georges de la Tour. the light!! the drama!! wow!!
Bill Callahan/ Smog
when I look back, I think this period of my life will be marked by a quest for sincerity, beauty and truth. this is a big leap for a recovering edge lord, to let go of cynicism and irony. I love how bare and unafraid Bill’s music is.
Tomatoes on Toast
try it, it’s good.
this is something my mother used to make every summer with the tomatoes in our garden. I remember thinking it was gross as a kid. and now, despite all my attempts to not become my parents, I have fully leaned in. because she was right - sliced raw tomato on toast with nothing but salt and pepper is delicious.
best served over a napkin on your lap while you sit on a balcony, flush with sunlight.