the morning habit
I could have courage
now is as good a time as ever for radical change. I will recommit to the morning habit. I will brush my hair nicely and land on the floor softly. I will picnic and wash my face and remember who I am on the earth. not a rose in a garden or the mouse air lifted by the hawk. I am much more plain and ruthless. without being a paper bag roadside trash or something senseless and blind like kudzu, that treacherous beauty which overtakes everything, as is its nature.
I can’t imagine what other people even do all day. are we all numb? I can’t help but deeply feel and know that we weren’t supposed to live this way. the fear, the stress, all of it arising from the sheer mundanity of living. our small lives. I can’t picture the men in suits have meaningful existences. was homo Erectus this afraid? of course, he was afraid of something. of being eaten. that’s something worth being afraid of.
the worst part of this modern fear is understanding that it’s so illusory, and that there is some consent in my being so afraid. I could have courage. I could have courage.
i’d like to have more interesting thoughts beyond wanting a specific morning routine. but turns out that foundation guides the rest of your life. i’m not necessarily seeking imposed restraint - like cold showers, mandated breath work, motivational googoo gaga people impose upon themselves to really ramp up for, I don’t know, their b2b saas jobs.
I want a routine in service of a dream. I want a morning that opens me up to expansion and remembering the things I read. that sort of thing. real knowing.